


survivor

by AvengedBeth



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Light Angst, Past Rape/Non-con, Trauma, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:33:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29453859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvengedBeth/pseuds/AvengedBeth
Summary: After getting kidnapped, the reader is saved by the BAU's finest. She gets attached to Doctor Spencer Reid, and he offers to support her after a difficult predicament makes it difficult to start her life back to normal. Emotions surface that can change their path forever.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan & Spencer Reid, Emily Prentiss & Spencer Reid, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau & Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia & Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid & David Rossi, Spencer Reid & Reader, Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For reference this story takes place around season 7. This is written for a cis woman reader. Sorry for formatting and errors! This is my first fic. Enjoy :)

Laying in my 'bed' I stared at the crumbling concrete ceiling. I heard the man walk around the room, picking up tools from his workbench. I guess it was finally my time. I was his favorite after all, save the best for last. Metal clinked around the room. 

"Shit!"

He dropped his toolbox. I took a deep breath in, trying not to smile. I've learned that doesnt help me. I already heard his boys pull up downstairs, the gravel crunching under their trucks. He gathered himself and laid everything down on the table. I closed my eyes. Waiting for the pain to set in again. I became very talented at going to another place when he decides to slice into me, or something else. I heard footsteps. 

That was strange. 

They usually stay in the truck when they need to transport goods. His hesitation made my eyes fly open. 

This is definitely new. 

He was assessing the situation, unsure of it was safe to begin the process. Before He could think, the door slammed open. I squeezed my eyes shut waiting for whatever was happening to be over.

"Jason Mavrik! FBI! Put the scalpel down and step away from the girl."

FBI? Was this some sick trick? I opened one eye and He was actually scared. I slowly sat up, muscles still sore. I scanned the room and there were big men with guns pointed at him. My eyes stopped at a kind and soft looking man with long curly fluffy brown hair. Even with a revolver his hands, he seemed the safest. I stared at him for a minute while they tried to talk him down. He stared back, nodded, and reached out a hand. I ran to the handome man with long fluffy hair, and he set his hand on my arm, 

"It's okay, it's over"

I hid behind him as his gun was raised at the man who took me. There was commotion, but I closed my eyes and trusted the FBI agent would take care of me. When I opened my eyes, He was in handcuffs being hauled off by a tall, strong, stoic and dark haired man. My eyes flashed over to the man who saved me. His soft eyes comforted me. I finally felt safe. I seeked comfort in his vest, the kevlar not being very comfortable, but under the circumstances it felt like home. My arms wrapped around him and I could feel our hearts pound. 

"Are you okay?" he asked, I looked up at his face, framed by falling curls.

"Please stay with me." He nodded.   
"My name is Doctor Spencer Reid. What's your name?"  
"I'm (y/n)" He smiled at me.   
"Thats a very nice name"  
"Thank you Spencer" 

I didn't feel like smiling, my arms and legs were sore and tired. I felt my brain start hammering in my head. I winced. 

"Let's get you checked out by a doctor"   
"Aren't you a doctor?"   
He smiled again, and I had a fleeting thought that I wanted to see him smile more.

"I'm not that kind of doctor"   
"Oh sorry"  
"It's okay nothing to apologize for." 

We started walking down the abandoned factory. I leaned into him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. 

"Cold?"   
"Yeah"   
"We'll get you some blankets once we get to the EMT's."   
"ok" 

We continued to walk around old machinery and Spencer guided us to the exit where a lot of heavily armed men were standing. Lights were flashing. People were talking. I felt like I was drowning in the noise and lights and people. 

Reid sat me down on the ambulance seat. It felt like he was about to walk away. I looked up at him, my eyes suddenly filled with fear at the idea of being alone with men, laying down strapped to a bed again. I needed someone I trusted. I needed him. 

"C-can you s-stay with me? Please?"

He looked conflicted for a moment. After looking over to the other men and women wearing FBI vests, he turned back to me and said, 

"Of course" 

He hopped into the ambulance and sat next to me. Relief and drowsiness swept over me, and I laid my head on his shoulder. He tensed up for a moment, then relaxed. I smiled feeling a little more peaceful.

  
I must have nodded off because I woke up to Spencer's hand on my other shoulder softly shaking me awake. I groaned and rubbed my eyes. It felt like I havent slept in years. Actually, I don't want to think how long its been since I've slept without someone watching me, or being strapped down. 

I lifted my head off his shoulder and Spencer looked at me weird, it feels like he could know what I was thinking. He looked worried. I should probably say something. 

"So we're probably at the hospital." 

He chuckled at my incredible attempt at a joke. 

"Yeah we are. Are you ok to walk? I can get a wheelchair or..." 

I smiled. "Spence, I'll be fine. I have legs for a reason." 

He seemed a little more concerned now. I wasn't about to be wheeled around like some sort of victim. I was fine. Really.

The EMT directed us to another doctor so they could run some tests. Reid stayed with me the whole way. He sat with me while I tried not to wiggle durring the blood test, he quickly and casually left the room when I stared at him awkwardly after a private question from the doctor, and he grabbed me food after he learned how long it had been since I've eaten somthing. 

I started getting worried that he had abandoned his team. I felt guilty from keeping him so long. He promised that Quantico wasnt too far from Baltimore, and his team didn't need him, they had caught the bad guy. I still felt guilty but I was way more scared of being alone with strangers.   
After getting the go ahead to "go home" I quickly realized I didn't have anywhere to go. The man kept me for so long my rent was up about a year ago. I was homeless, broke, and terrified. Where does a kidnapping survivor go when she has nothing to herself?

"May I drive you home?"  
"Uh, yeah I guess."

Spencer tilted his head, silently asking the question I really didnt want to answer. Maybe it wasnt my fault that I got kidnapped for 10 ish months, but I was already behind in my rent, I'm sure my apartment is being taken by some old lady or some stoners, and my stuff was thrown to the curb months ago. It's not like my landlord could possibly give a shit about me to check if I had been kidnapped or something.

I sighed, trying to think of a response to give him without sounding like worthless garbage.

"I don't think I have an apartment anymore. Last time I was in my apartment I was getting ready for the beach with friends, and according to the downpour of rain, its April now."

Reid's eyes widened, realizing my predicament.

"Do you have anyone you can call?"

I looked down as my eyes blurred. the sterile floor seemed so interesting right now. I felt the tears fall. I really wished we didnt go to the stupid beach or stop at that stupid diner and-

A hand was on my shoulder. I violently twitched back and grimiced. pictures of blood and his face danced through my eyes. Reid was saying something but I didn't hear it. I just needed some space, and some quiet if I could only breathe. I opened my eyes to Reid's worried face. He was blurred and smudged and I felt a bit more comfort at the thought of him being with me.

Ah  
So this is what a panic attack is.  
Interesting.  
Why is it so loud? Why do I feel so numb? Why do I feel so tingly?

Reid seemed to be talking to me about breathing with him. He took a deep breath in and so did I. We held it for a second, and breathed it out. My shoulders relaxed. We breathed in together, held, and out. The tingling numbness lessened. After a few more breaths, everything felt a bit better. 

I was still on edge, Spencer could definitely tell. His hands were hovering over me, hoping not to cause another attack. His caring made me smile. Reid lit up at the sight of me smiling, making me smile even more. softly and slowly I put my hand on his shoulder, a quiet thank you. he appreciated the gesture. 

"Come on, I know a place we can go, but only if youre comfortable with it."

I hesitated, still anxious

"Where?"  
"I have an extra bedroom at my apartment if you would like? You can stay as long as you'd like."  
"T-thats too kind I cant ask that of you, really."  
"No, its fine. No one is responding to my Craigslist ad for a roomate anyway"

I tried to supress a laugh, but it didnt work, coming out as a quick exhale.

"Thank you Spence, that's really kind. You didn't have to do that."  
"You deserve somewhere safe and comfortable to live."  
"Thank you."

We walked down the white hallway, stinking of bleach and disinfect. As we entered the elevator I took a leap of faith and intertwined my fingers with his. In the silver reflection I saw his face plastered with a big smile. I looked down letting my hair fall infront of my face so he couldnt see me with a similar smile, blushing hard.

  
The dark night and rain reflected every light off the black concrete. It was almost as beautiful as...

Anyways..

Spencer walked me to his car sheilding us from the rain with his FBI raincoat held above his head. I had declined wearing it earlier, it felt selfish taking his bedroom, his day, and his jacket. We walked close together trying to stay dry and warm. As we got to his car he jogged ahead and got the door for me. 

Always the gentlemen. 

I thanked him and hopped in, reclining in the leather seats. Thank you remote start. He closed my door and ran to the driver side and got in. 

Reid started the car and started driving. He took a big breath and hummed.

"I should remember to start these cars remotely more often"  
"Wait is this not your car?"  
"Well, kinda? Hotch dropped off another FBI SUV for me to drive home in."  
"Oh, do you have a car at home?"  
"Yeah, its a 1965 volvo 122s Amazon. Its actually really safe despite its age. Although I added many extra modern safety features like modern seat belts, modern airbags, crumple room, and I updated the kind of metal used so It's lighter and safer when in a crash." 

I stared at him, facinated by his ramblings.

"Woah that's really interesting! My dad used to be a car guy so I kinda get what you are talking about. How did you change the whole frame?"  
"Oh well I found a mechanic who was really intrested in old cars and I asked him if I could change the metal type to be safer and he offered to help with the labor as long as I could figure out logistics."  
"Are you good at that?"  
"Good at what?"  
"Logistics, figuring things out"  
"I would say so"  
"Oooh so thats the kind of person you are."

Spencer looked at me quizzically.

I continued, "You're like the really smart guy who knows and understands a lot of things."  
"Uh, yeah I am."

Reid showed a quick tight smile.

A few beats of awkward silence passed.

"Hey im sorry if you didnt- uhm. I didnt mean to judge you or anything i was just curious all day on the kind of person you are and I- i'm just sorry if I crossed a line or something. I'm sorry i didnt mean to."  
"No, its fine it's just, no one has ever been able to read me that fast" Then he mumbled, "Besides maybe some of my co workers"

I chuckled. Happy that he wasnt mad at me, and that he was suprizingly good at jokes.

He looked over at me and there was something in those eyes I just couldnt place. 

"Well I'm going to take that compliment. You are very kind, Doctor Reid."  
"You are very welcome Ma'am."

We laughed and I relaxed into my seat further.   
I looked out at the scenery. Each passing town feeling like a moment before it dissipates behind us. The strobing streetlamps as we pass through them. I was lulled back into sleep.

  
It felt nice to finally get some more rest. I've never been able to sleep in cars, unless I was real little, and on one of those late night drive home from your cousins, exhausted after running around all day. And then you pretend to be asleep so your parents will carry you inside to your bed. 

I sighed and smiled at the memory.

I missed my parents.

The sweet memory turned bitter as I saw them through the one way glass. They looked so scared. I had been bad. I dared to spit at him and this is what I deserved. I Deserved This. How could I have been so stupid. So ignorant. I watched as my father was shot in the face. His head caved in horribly. My eyes squinted trying to wash away the image. I just wanted to forget. My mom's face was splattered in blood and horror. I tried to look away but they forced my eyelids open and a knife scraped my neck.  
I swallowed. Another gunshot rang out and it was over. They had broken me. There was nothing, no one left for me. I belonged no where but here.

With Him. 

I was ripped from my reality at the feeling of the car stopping. I quickly opened my eyes and analyzed what was happening. We were at a red light off the highway. Spencer noticed that I woke up.

"I just needed to use the restroom."   
"Ok, me too"

We stopped at McDonalds. Damn, I forgot how good hot food is.

"Can I get something to eat, I'm really hungry"  
"Sure, but do you really want to eat McDonalds? Their sodium and fat levels are off the charts, statistically people are less likely to-"  
"Reid, I havent eaten anything hot or remotely food in 10 months, i want some fucking McNuggets"   
"Right, I'm sorr-"  
"and an Oreo McFlurry"  
"Sounds good"  
I smiled, "Thank you"  
"Of course" he smiled back.

We walked into the restaurant and I awkwardly stood next to Reid as he ordered for me. Interacting with the real world felt weird. All of the instincts and lessons i've learned in the past few months feel useless and even debilitating. When someone in the back dropped a tray I jumped 10 feet back. The cashier gave me a weird and irritated look and Reid looked at me with pity. I hated pity. I guess I deserve it, but i still didn't like it. He was even paying for my food, I felt useless. I took up space. 

I was spaced out until Reid brought me back while holding onto my lower back and guided me to the side to wait. 

Spencer leaned close to my ear and quietly asked, "Hey how are you feeling?"

I looked over to him, looking into his deep caramel eyes.

"Honestly? Not great. But... Can we talk about this in the car?" 

I looked around at all the people in the crowded McDonalds, mainly teenagers and annoyed workers. 

"There's just alot of people here"  
"I understand."

He looked at me and smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.

Our number was called and we grabbed our food and took a seat at a booth, sitting across from eachother.   
I started with the McFlurry. 

"Mmmm now this is the shit, soo good. I can't believe their ice cream machine is actually working"  
"Does their icecream machine really break that much?"  
"I'm not really sure, they always say theyre cleaning it or something, but between you and me? I feel like they just don't want to deal with the machine."

Reid chuckled. It made me feel good to be the one to make him laugh. I felt warm and fuzzy inside.

"I saw a hotel less then a mile from here, do you want to stay there for the night? I'm tired after driving for so long."  
"That actually so nice right now Spence. I'm getting really sleepy"  
I started eating my chicken nuggets and asked, "How long have you been driving?"  
"Only a few hours. You slept through a lot of it. I'm surprised you aren't more tired right now."  
"Maybe it doesnt look like it, but I might fall asleep on this table"

I laid my head down on the table and pretended to sleep.

"Please don't accidentally fall asleep, I dont think I can carry you to the car"  
"Doctor it is very rude to call someone heavy"  
"I didnt mea-"  
"I know, I know, I know, I'm kidding Spence" I said, sitting up and almost laughing at him.

"Hey! dont laugh at me! Carrying you is Not a joke." He smiled back at me. I giggled and shaked my head.  
"You are too good at these jokes, Doctor"  
"thank you Ma'am" 

He looked down and smiled.

I couldnt stop looking at him.

I finished up my food and we headed out to the hotel. After pulling into the hotel, Reid parked and checked in.

"I'm sorry Sir, a convention is in town and the only room we can offer is a single king."  
Reid ran his hands through his hair, clearly stressed.

"Are you sure? Can you check again? We really need 2 rooms or 2 beds."  
"Okay I'll check..."

Reid turned to me with an apologetic look.  
"I'm really sorry, if we can't get two beds I can sleep on the floor."  
"Hell no Reid! You just drove for hours you deserve some rest."  
"So do you!"  
"I'll be fine."

Reid sighed, "Okay, but tell me if you ever feel uncomfortable at all, I'm willing to sleep on the floor."  
"I will. Thank you, but I'll be ok"  
"Alright"

The receptionist stopped typing and looked up at us.

"I'm sorry sir, everything but a one bed room is taken."  
Reid took a deep breath, "It's fine, we'll take it"

I took the keycard and we went back to the car to grab his suitcase. 

After settling into the room, Spencer went into the bathroom to change and shower. I realized I didn't have anything to change into. And I really wanted to change out of the gross tank top and shorts Ive been wearing for far to long. I knew what I had to ask and it was going to be either fine or reeally awkward.   
I was switching through channels when I heard the water turned off. 

"Well, here goes nothing" I said to the empty room. 

Reid walked out a bit later with really curly wet hair. There were water droplets clinging to his hair, wettening his oversized academy t shirt.

Fuck. 

I really should stop staring.

"What's going on y/n?" He asked with his head slightly tilted to the side.

"Oh uhm, I was wondering if you had any extra clothes in there I could borrow for pajamas. I... don't really have anything"

Reid's eyes slightly widened. He tried to hide it, but I could still tell.

"Oh! yeah, let me check." He ruffled through his bag, everything was organized and neatly rolled. There was even a divide between clean and dirty clothes. Damn, that's alot of used shirts, did they really stay looking for me for that long?

"Ah, this will work" He said showing me a well loved CalTech tshirt and, a pair of loose boxers.  
"Sorry, thats all I have left for pants besides some jeans." his eyes were glued to the floor and he was biting his lip.

"No, this will work, thank you." I gave him a quick smile as I passed him and entered the bathroom.

I closed and locked the door, and felt the steam and smell overwhelm me. It smelled woodsy, but softer, and not too overwhelming. I set the change of clothes on the sink counter and started the shower. I settled for the complimentry soap and shampoo. Sadly, I wont be smelling as good as Doctor Spencer Reid. 

The warmth of the shower wrapped around me like a good hug. I had gotten a somewhat shower from the hospital, but it didnt feel like a normal shower, and they didnt let me wash my hair. This, however, felt familiar and safe. Comfortable. I took my time washing everything I could of the last 10 months. I wanted a fresh start in Quantico. I didn't want to bring anything with me I didnt have to. I couldn't help myself from imagining a life with Spencer Reid as my roomate. 

Was he the kind of person to make blueberry pancakes in the morning? How did he like his eggs? Did he drink coffee? He felt like he could be a tea person, but something tells me he drinks coffee. How tidy was he? Did he decorate his apartment or did he keep it minimal? So many things I wanted to know. I was so excited for my new life. 

After washing everything of what he did to me down the drain, I dried off and stepped into Spencer's clothing. Without even trying I could smell his cologne and bodywash. My eyes slipped closed, feeling completely relaxed and safe. I walked out of the bathroom, careful not to wake Spencer. He was cuddled up on the side of the bed, careful to give me room. 

How sweet. 

I slipped under the covers and turned off the lamp. I got comfortable and quickly drifted to sleep yet again


	2. Chapter 2

The pillow on my head was warm and comfortable. I reached forward and let my arm drape over the soft form infront of me. I took a deep breath in, and out, feeling every muscle in me relax. I felt at home, the aroma was woodsy, like pine needles after a fresh rainstorm, with the smell of new and loved books, their pages filled with new worlds and ideas.

I smiled, remembering the library I went to at college late at night with freinds. Staying late to finish end of term projects, and studying for finals. The memory is so vivid, it could have been yesterday. But I know those people are gone now. Their time snuffed out, as mine almost was. 

I opened my eyes slowly, rubbing the picture clear in the pillow under me. When I could see clearly, I realized it wasnt a pillow at all. I followed the length of the arm up to his torso, and landed onto his face. His messy hair stood next to his face, almost protecting it from the sunlight streaming through the curtains. He looked so relaxed and peaceful, his lips in a slight upturn, he was happily dreaming. I stared for a few more seconds until my neck complained and I softly laid my head back onto his outstretched arm. 

My arm was still over his torso, and I gently rubbed the fabric if his shirt between my fingers, feeling the softness. Our legs were intertwined, his left leg between my thighs. Spencer softly shifted and I angled my head up to see his face. Half of it was blocked from his hair, but I could see his eyes squint as he shifted his head over. I could see his whole face now, he was looking at me, but still dreaming. I smiled up at him, trying to remember every detail of his face. 

A few moments passed and he shifted some more, wiggling out of his dreams. I closed my eyes and tilted my head down. I couldn't let him know that I had consciously cuddled next to him, I needed him to think it was an accident. I was going to be his roomate soon, I didn't want our relationship to be awkward. I let my body relax as I felt Spencer start to wake up. I felt his eyes looking at the top of my head, then his head shifted looking around, assessing the situation. I pretended to shift in my sleep, and he froze like a deer in headlights. He looked back at my head, and I slowly turned my head up to meet his face. I opened my eyes and gave a soft smile. His worried look was wiped away and he smiled back.

"Hmmm, good morning." I said as I stretched my arms and legs out, then relaxed.

"Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"Ahh, pretty good. Its nice to sleep in a bed with covers. And a body heater"

"Hey! I'm more then a body heater, I also seem to be a very good pillow" his smile widened, motioning to his arm.

"Oh, this? Do you want your arm back?"

"Saying as its getting numb, that would be nice"

I lifted my head off his arm, and he placed it above my head, up against the headboard. I grabbed one of my pillows as a replacement.

"Okay, Okay, fine. but youre gonna have to have some really good reasons to get me up this morning."

Spencer hummed, deep in thought. 

"They have waffles."

I looked at him with amazement.

"I love waffles!!"

"Well, you'll have to get up soon, breakfast ends at 10 and it's already 9:15." 

He said, looking at the clock. 

"Ugh they always have breakfast so early." 

I kicked the blankets off of us and I looked at our legs. Remembering how close his leg was with mine, his left leg still trapped between my thighs. I blushed, embarrassed. He slowly moved his leg higher up my thigh, and I couldn't help but look back at him. He wore a similar blush on his cheeks, and he stopped moving his leg as he looked back at me. We looked into eachothers eyes for a moment, and I tore my eyes away. Scratching the back of my neck. We both moved away from eachother and stood up on our opposite sides of the bed. 

"Do you have any other Uhm, pants I could wear?"

I looked down at his boxers I was wearing. They were soft and comfortable, but I don't think the hotel guests would appreciate them.

"Y-yeah let me check." Spencer walked over to his bag, looking for anything. "I, uh, have these jeans. Hopefully they wont be to big on you.

I looked at the dark wash jeans and grabbed them. 

"Yeah these will work. Thanks."

I quickly walked into the bathroom to use the bathroom and put them on over the boxers. They were really big on me, so I rolled them up as much as I could and stepped out into the room and was met with Reid dressed in the jeans he wore yesterday, and the shirt he slept in. 

"Did you want to stop at the Target down the road to pick up some clothes? Just some stuff you can wear all day and some more stuff to sleep in. You must really want some fresh clothes."

He was right. As much as I loved Reid's CalTech shirt, I was starting to feel gross wearing clothes that weren't mine. I haven't worn something that was clean and mine in a while. 

"That would be great, actually. But, after waffles." I smiled up to him.

"Of course after waffles" He smiled back.

We walked down the repetitive hallway of the hotel towards the elevator.

"So what does the infamous Doctor Reid enjoy for breakfast?"

"Usually I just have a bannana and eat it on the metro on the way to work."

"No coffee?"

"Are you kidding me? I drink way to much coffee. Only at work though. I have to earn getting coffee by going to work."

"Hmm, makes sense. I love coffee but only the terrible, fake kind full of chocolate and sugar. You seem like the basic black coffee or die kind of person."

"Well you would be wrong. I add 4 sugars to my coffee."

"Interesting. Never pegged you as a sugar person."

We stepped into the elevator, packed with a family on vacation with three rowdy kids.

"And why is that?"

"I don't know. You seem like you know alot about nutrition based on your reaction to McDonalds. I'd think you would be horrified at someone adding FOUR sugars to their coffee."

"Just becuase I know how bad sugar is doesn't make it any less delicious."

The elevator dinged on the ground floor, we walked out, the three boys running to grab donuts. We searched for a table among all the cosplayers and teenagers here for the convention. We divided and conquered, despite my rising anxiety of being alone in a croud. 

Spencer waved at me, standing at a table for two in the corner of the room. I smiled, and joined him. As he got his breakfast together I sat at the table looking out at all the costumes and characters. I saw a few I recognized and smiled thinking of all the TV, movies, and videogames I missed. Isn't a new season of Law And Order SVU out by now? 

Reid came back with a plate of fruit, a blueberry muffin, and some eggs. 

I walked towards the buffet, looking around for the waffle maker. Luckily there was almost no wait and I poured the batter into the pan, the heat making a satisfying sizzling sound. 

Waiting for the waffle to be done, I walked over the pastries and I got one of everything. To be honest, I deserved it. It's my cheat day.

I grabbed some juice and set it down at the table we were sitting at. The alarm beeped for my waffle and I topped it with all the condiments that were meant for children. Who's gonna stop me from pilling whipped cream, chocolate sauce, strawberries, and chocolate chips on my waffle? The government?

I proudly walked back to our spot with my two plates of 90% sugar. I sat down and Spencer's eyes went wide.

"Wow"

"What?"

"Ok I know I said that I drink coffee with 4 sugars, but this is a little excessive."

"Well, this isn't for you."

"Still, you really shouldn't eat that. Did you know that on average, Americans eat about six cups of sugar in a week, much higher then many other countries. It looks like with this breakfast youre about halfway through."

So it turns out the government WAS going to try to stop me.

Well, I deserve a little extra sugar. I'm pretty sure my food didn't have much sugar in it.

Spencer laughed.

"Ok ok ok, but by the time we get back to my apartment, you better start eating better, poor eating habits often result in lower body functions, impared brain function, and hightened risk for mood disorders like depression."

"Damn Doctor, are you diagnosing me with depression in this Hampton Inn?"

Reid laughed at me again.

"No, I'm just saying."

"Well, I'll take my depression to note." I said, taking a bite of whipped cream and chocolate.

Spencer quickly finished his breakfast and got some coffee. He sat there for ten minutes, sometimes scrunching his face, watching me trying to fit all the whipped cream into my mouth. His reaction kept making me laugh, so I ended up almost choking on everything. Reid burst out into laughter.

"Oh so my near death experience is funny to you Doctor Reid."

He couldn't come up with a response, still laughing at me, while my face was almost covered in chocolate and whipped cream. I took some whipped cream from my plate and poked his nose with it. He pretened to be shocked and offended. 

"Haha! payback!"

"For what? Laughing at you?"

"Hmmm" I pretended to think for a moment. "Yeah that excuse works."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, why not."

"Maybe this is why," Reid said, taking the whipped cream from his nose, and placing it onto mine.

"Perfect," He said, smiling at me.

"Oh thank you for my makeover sir."

I tried licking off the cream, but I couldn't reach it, and we kept laughing.

After eating way too much food, we caught a ride on the elevator with some teenagers that definitely did not smell like a certain substance.

Once we got out of the elevator, and walked away from the group I had to ask, 

"Couldn't you like, technically arrest them?"

"For what?"

"Really, for weed, Reid"

"I'm sure they have a medical reason." He smiled back at me.

Damn Spence, I did not think he was the person to dismiss something like that.

"Besides," He continued, "What am I going to do? Arrest them for smelling bad? Where would I hold them. You need two officers to arrest somebody and you are not a federal agent."

"Yet."

"Oh alright. I see. Someone is looking up to their idol."  
He sassily put his hand under his chin and closed his eyes, smiling. 

"Oh shut up" I smacked his shoulder.

"How do you know what weed smells like y/n?"

"Uh, next question."

I opened the door with our key card and sat down on the bed. Spencer gathered his things back into his suitcase, double and triple checking he had everything. After signing out, we loaded the SUV, and headed over to Target. 

After grabbing a cart and finding the woman's section, I looked around for stuff I liked. I didn't really feel comfortable shopping with Reid, so I asked him if he could let me shop alone.

"I just need some time for myself right now. I'll meet you by the clearance section in fifteen?"

"Yeah, sure that works for me. See you in a bit."

I needed to gain some more independence. Although I loved spending time laughing with him I didn't want to need to rely on Spencer to babystep my way back to normalcy. Once we arrive to Quantico, he's gotta go to work, I have to find a job, and who knows what other stuff I'm gonna have to re-learn. 

I browsed the shirts, just looking for something basic, comfortable, and not too expensive. After grabbing three shirts, I chose some shorts and some underwear. I just needed enough for the next few days. 

I found Spencer browsing the Funko pops looking for something specific. I decided to try and scare him. I sneaked up behind him and.

"Hey Reid, what are you looking for?"

He calmly turned around and said, "I'm trying to find some Doctor Who Funko pops"

"Really?"

"What?" He looked at me confused, brows furrowed.

"I didn't scare you at all?"

"I'm a trained federal agent, It's gonna be hard to suprize me. Even if you do, I wouldn't recommend it, I have a gun on me most of the time."

"I keep forgetting that. Wait!" Then I whispered, "Do you have your gun on you right now?"

"No"

"Is it in the car?"

"I'm- not allowed to answer that"

"Is that a yes?"

"I can't answer that either."

"Aweee, I'm gonna take that as a yes."

"Okay"

"Damn you are really good at this."

"Thank? You?"

"You're welcome" I beamed at him.

We headed down the endless checkout aisles, most of them empty, as always. Thinking about all the little things I know about the world always feels so weird and funny. I was taken out of the world for almost a year, and although I missed so much, movie and TV releases, holidays, birthdays, I still remembered the dumb everyday stuff. The McDonald's Icecream machine is always broken, the cashier lines are never fully used, and they always mess up names in the stupidest ways at starbucks. It makes me feel a little more human. Like I'm finally normal again. Whatever that means for me anymore. 

We checked out, I tried my best not to look at what Spencer was spending on me. Again. I did. The number made me feel guilty again. As I stared at the number, Spencer gave me a look. I wasn't sure how to take it. It was halfway between pity an reassurance. I still hate pity.

I pushed the cart back to the SUV and carried all my bags in one trip. Reid returned the cart, and we got in, ready for our hour long drive home. 

Hmm

Home.


	3. Chapter 3

I forgot how much I loved being driven everwhere. I almost always drove myself or took public transport. There's something about being driven by your friend as you stare out the window at the passing colors that just, feels right. 

I guess me and Spencer were friends now. He has already done me so many favors, we spent so much time together, and laughed so much, it feels wrong to call him anything less. I guess the hot tip is get saved by the FBI, become homeless, profit? Worked for me.

"Do you want to play some music? Garcia gave us this tablet and it connects to the radio. You can play anything you want. I don't mind."

"Don't you have a phone?"

He made a disgusted face. 

"No, I don't really like technology. I'd take paper copies over anything. I like the feel of them."

I shrugged. "Fair enough. What kind of music do you usually listen to?"

Reid looked embarrassed. "Uhm, I usually just listen to Motzart and stuff."

"Hmm, that fits you really well."

"Thanks"

"Well I'm gonna play some music from my spotify. Now if I just look up my extremely specific playlist title aaand, there we go. 'My absolute head bangers I play on repeat babey!' This is the best playlist I own"

I pressed shuffle and one of the best songs came on. I started dancing and belting out the lyrics. Man it feels good to sing this again. Spence has an amused look on his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I don't know, it's just- very you. And also you look really funny"

"Hey! Rude! I bet if I played Für Elise you would go ham for your boy Mozart."

"That's Beethoven"

"Well, you would still headbang for Beethoven. That's a good shirt quote. 'Headbang 4 Beethoven'. Remind me to make that for your birthday."

He smiled and shook his head. "You have 6 months and 20 days."

I looked at him, shocked.

"You know how many days until your birthday on the spot?" 

"Uuh, yeah"

"Wh- That's so cool! You always know if it's your half birthday! I always forget mine."

Suddenly An embarrassingly horny song came on, max volume.

"SHIT wait no" I scurried to skip to the next song but it was too late. 

The awkwardness blanketed the the air, making it feel heavy. Spencer glanced at me from the corner of his eye.

"So, choking, am I right."

I crossed my legs, shoving my hands between my knees. I felt heat rise from my neck and reach my cheeks. I looked at myself in the side mirror. I looked ridiculous. I was still wearing his clothes, and my plan to not make it awkward between us was failing miserably.

"Sh-Shut up." The corner on my lips lifted as I heard him let out a belly laugh. He put his hand on my shoulder. I finally met his eyes, and he was looking at me.

"Relax, it's better then anything my friend Morgan and Garcia joke about." He shuddered. I smiled wider wanting to meet the people that made him this happy. I hope I can count myself as one of those people. 

"So what are all your friends like?"

"It depends if we're at work or not. Some of them are much more professional. Like Aaron Hotchner, he always wears full suits and is pokerface 90% the time on the job. But when we go out, maybe have a few drinks, he's a complete softie. Smiling, laughing, joining in on jokes. And he has the cutest little son Jack."

He kept going on an on, talking about Penelope Garcia, and her incredible fashion and humor, Derek Morgan, and his playboy attitude with a love of kicking down doors, David Rossi and his love of pasta and family, Emily Prentiss, and her cat and dry humor, and finally Jennifer Jereau aka JJ and her caring nature and her little son.

I could listen to him talk for hours. I loved listening to people who had passion for what they loved, and he seemed to have overflowing passion for everything he talked about. Rambling on and on about anything. I couldn't help but stare at him while he was staring at the road. He was speaking a mile a minute. His lips were soft and precise, clearly he had practice speaking fast. He bit his lips in, and slightly stook his tounge out, wettening his lips. I just about melted. 

He glanced over at me, his eyebrow raised in question. Ah shit, he caught me staring again. Uhhmm make up an excuse up, and fast.

"I just, love, listening to people speak about things they are passionate about" 

My response wasn't a complete lie, he could probably tell if it was. It just wasn't the whole reason. He smiled back at me. Appreciative of my attention. I guess he wasn't used to being listened all the time. I would have to show him a world where he could speak his mind anytime, and someone would be there. Someone would care. 

I watched him stare at the road. And I stared back at him, the side of my head resting on the headrest. God, could his cheekbones shut up. How the fuck did he have perfect bone structure, and be smart, and kind as fuck. Even if he wasn't trying, he had the perfect dark academia aesthetic. I saw his collection of sweater vests, his tan leather gun holster, a revolver, (Who even uses a revolver? How is that hot to me now?), I bet his apartment matched it too. A leather chair, bookshelves lining the walls, books stacked on chairs. 

My eyes were droopy and I was happy for the excuse to keep looking at him through my half lidded eyes. How lucky is it that I just happened to be staring at him while I was falling asleep. Oh noooo.

We pulled off the highway, saying goodbye to going 80 mph, and all the cars around us. Nerves ran their way up my throat, almost choking me. My new life was starting now if I wanted it to or not. Where did I want to work? What would his friends think of me? What would I be like to a roomate like Spencer Reid? What if I did something wrong? Was I even allowed to do this?

"Stop worrying, you're going to be fine."

My eyes widened and Spencer was staring at me. His hand dropped from the wheel and wrapped around mine, squeezing tightly. I smiled, looking at our hands intertwined. I don't think I've blushed this hard in my whole life. 

"How did you know I was worrying?"

"You shifted your body a bit, your leg is bouncing, and you wrang your hands together. It's kinda my job to notice behavior."

Damn, if he could figure out I was worrying with a few seconds of body language, what else could he find out about my feelings?

"Wow, you're really good at your job"

"You just need to know what someone is saying when they do something with their body or voice. Any clues can show nerves, sadness, joy, and even if someone is lying" 

"So you're like a human lie detector. You know the instant someone lies?"

"It's-, a little more complicated then that. Some people are really good at hiding body language, so we still need to background check some things. But even if we catch someone in a lie, that doesn't help us find the truth all the time. Not to mention, actual lie detectors are very often inaccurate, even showing nonhuman things, like plants, can lie."

He looked over at my slightly worried face,  
"I'm sorry, I'll try not to profile you like that anymore."

"Uh, thanks, I appreciate it. But if you ever see me sad or worried don't be afraid of talking to me about it. I won't be offended. Just, try not to find all my hidden secrets."

He laughed, "I'll keep your secrets to you and yours I promise."

We pulled into the parking lot. Chills ran down my spine. It was simple. It looked like every apartment building I've seen in my whole life. Standard. No matter how much I sized up the building, it didn't change the fact that I was terrified of what it could be a symbol for. The start of a new life? Maybe. The beginning of the end? Let's hope not. 

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves. I stepped out of the vehicle, and looked up once more. Which one of these windows would I look through at night?

Reid got his suitcase from the back and handed me my Target bags. He lead me up the stairs to the second floor. That was good. Second floor meant no one breaking into your windows, and you don't have to climb a million stairs like at my old apartment. 

He fished for his keys, held them up smiling. "I guess I finally have someone to give my spare key to!" 

I laughed, trying to shake the nerves that still clung to my bones, clawing at me. Spencer opened the door for me and gestured inside. 

"Welcome to my humble abode!" 

The space was comfortable, and well lived in. Leather chairs and couch as I suspected. What really caught my eye was the number of books he had on his book cases lining the walls. He even had some piled in the corners of rooms and on chairs. I could smell the leather covers and the pages. He had a nice desk for working, some manilla folders he quickly put in a drawer. The walls were painted a deepish dusty emerald green, but the light streamed through the sheer curtains, lighting up the room anyway. By a window there was a small chess table that looked well loved. Of course he was incredible at chess. It would be funny to try and play with him, seeing as I know almost nothing. 

I felt him watch me scan the room, fiddling with his thumbs. I guess a proflier still can't keep his body language a secret. I turned around to look at him.

"It's very homey in here. I love it." He smiled at the compliment.

"Thank you, and uh, sorry for the mess I didn't know we were going to leave when I went to work."

"It's fine, I understand."

There were a few awkward moments of silence as I continued to look around, seeing if there were any books I recognized. I think this shelf was all Russian. 

"Soo, can I show you to your room?"

"Oh! Yeah that would be great, thanks." 

He opened a dark wood door and inside was an average sided bedroom. One window was across from the door, and a queen sized bed with gray cotton sheets and a duvet was against the wall in the back corner. There was a small on-suite half bath with white tile floors, and white walls. It contrasted the light gray walls in the bedroom well. 

"I would show you my room, but it is definitely messy in there. I'll show you the bathroom though."

He opened the door next to my bedroom door, and a it was similar bathroom to my on-suite, but it had a large bathtub with a shower.

"Yeah, that works! I promise I'll only be in here to shower."

"Oh, don't worry about it you'll be fine. I'm gonna let you settle in, I have some laundry to do."

I walked back into my room, setting down the Target bags on the bed. I sat down and laid back into the plush matress. Staring up at the ceiling I thought of all the events that led me up to this moment, I was two cities over in an apartment owned by an FBI agent. Who is now my friend after two days of knowing eachother. Somehow this is the best relationship I've ever been in. No one has ever paid as much attention to me, my body language, or my needs. No one has made me laugh so much at breakfast over almost nothing. I've never felt as safe as I had right now. 

Speaking of feeling safe, I should really give him his clothes back if he is going to do laundry. I dumped all my new clothes in a pile on my bed, ripping out tags and stickers. I quickly changed out of his CalTech shirt, over sized jeans, and boxers, into my light plain tshirt and shorts. I shook my head and smiled carrying his clothes into what I assumed was his room. I knocked on his door, becuase I am an incredible roomate.

"Spence, I brought your clothes back since your doing laundry."

He opened the door, startling me for a moment.

"Woah, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. I'll take those."

I handed over the clothes, feeling the soft fabric of the CalTech shirt.

"You can keep the shirt if you want, it's too small on me now"

"Oh, uhm, thank you!"

Reid gave me a quick smile and closed the door, disappearing into his room. I headed over back to my room and decided to organize the clothes I got into the closet. There were a few hangers in the closet, so I just used those to hang my shirts. I stuffed everything else in the chest of drawers in the closet as well.

I sat back on my bed sighing. I was bored. I know I could be doing anything, finding a job, looking at all the books, learning chess. But all of those things required leaving the apartment, or messing with Spencer's things. He has lived on his own for so long, I'm scared of stepping on his toes, especially becuase I really wanted him to like me. I'm not the kind of person to want to impress someone, unless it's someone really important or cool, but even then I'll do what I want and say what I want becuase that's all I know how to do. But here comes this guy, who swoops in the last minute, and all of a sudden doors are opening to me again. I want to make an effort to tell funnier jokes, to act kinder, to feel comfortable again. I don't want to walk on eggshells right now, but I also don't want to bother him for a while. He must be tired after driving, and the case, plus he has work tommorow. 

We should probably talk about roomates rules so I don't accidentally upset him.


End file.
